Monday after the storm

Today is still stormy and threatening but the weather has moved south and north of the Oklahoma State borders. Last night, while struggling with my programming code, I had a ‘time-out’ from my struggles. My rescue kitty, who lives in my converted patio room, asked to come in. She was terrified of the high winds, blowing rain and noisy lightshow going on just outside her part of the house. As I watched Masterpiece Theater on PBS, I held her and comforted her. At the height of the storm the local PBS channel had numerous interruptions in the digitally transmitted signal and even my comfort and reassurance could not calm kitty. She jumped off the couch and ran into my bedroom only to hide under the bed. No amount of coaxing could budge her. I returned to my program and only lost about 10 minutes of the program due to the storm. It continued to subside and the program concluded. I then switched to a local station to get an update on the intensity of the storms passing over the Oklahoma City metro area. The weatherman reported that they were dumping massive amounts of much needed rain and they were quite noisy but not terribly threatening and were moving out of the metro area. I returned to my computer, found the solution to my programming challenge and began to feel that I might be able to exit this course by the end of spring term which comes in about 3 weeks. This has been a very big challenge and I’ve only just begun to make any headway with data retrieval from the database through the programming. Each time I make a breakthrough it feels like the sun broke through the clouds. Appropriate, huh? Ignorance and suffering are merely clouds. Willingness is the key to pushing through the cloud banks that seem to surround me in a foreboding darkness. As I opened to compassion for my kitty’s suffering and fear, something else was opened within me to receive the gift of release from my own ignorance and fear – willingness. Willingness requires much more than it seems at first glance. Willingness requires trust and the chance of being totally vulnerable to outcomes. Willingness requires surrender of my tight grip on the control console and allows a steadier hand to take over. Willingness requires admitting that I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS FOR. A real challenge for an ego! Willingness seems to exact a very dear price from my ego and yet, the rewards are so far reaching (they actually go on for eternity) that no amount of analysis gives my ego even a tiny glimmer of how rich and full those rewards are. My prayer for today: Thank you, God, for the gift of being open and vulnerable before you. Thank you for touching my heart with compassion and showing me how much you care for me even when I’m tightly bound in my chains of ignorance and fear. Thank you for your comfort and guidance. Amen
Originally posted on Blogger 4/27/09

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