Monday after the storm

Today is still stormy and threatening but the weather has moved south and north of the Oklahoma State borders. Last night, while struggling with my programming code, I had a ‘time-out’ from my struggles. My rescue kitty, who lives in my converted patio room, asked to come in. She was terrified of the high winds, blowing rain and noisy lightshow going on just outside her part of the house. As I watched Masterpiece Theater on PBS, I held her and comforted her. At the height of the storm the local PBS channel had numerous interruptions in the digitally transmitted signal and even my comfort and reassurance could not calm kitty. She jumped off the couch and ran into my bedroom only to hide under the bed. No amount of coaxing could budge her. I returned to my program and only lost about 10 minutes of the program due to the storm. It continued to subside and the program concluded. I then switched to a local station to get an update on the intensity of the storms passing over the Oklahoma City metro area. The weatherman reported that they were dumping massive amounts of much needed rain and they were quite noisy but not terribly threatening and were moving out of the metro area. I returned to my computer, found the solution to my programming challenge and began to feel that I might be able to exit this course by the end of spring term which comes in about 3 weeks. This has been a very big challenge and I’ve only just begun to make any headway with data retrieval from the database through the programming. Each time I make a breakthrough it feels like the sun broke through the clouds. Appropriate, huh? Ignorance and suffering are merely clouds. Willingness is the key to pushing through the cloud banks that seem to surround me in a foreboding darkness. As I opened to compassion for my kitty’s suffering and fear, something else was opened within me to receive the gift of release from my own ignorance and fear – willingness. Willingness requires much more than it seems at first glance. Willingness requires trust and the chance of being totally vulnerable to outcomes. Willingness requires surrender of my tight grip on the control console and allows a steadier hand to take over. Willingness requires admitting that I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ANYTHING IS FOR. A real challenge for an ego! Willingness seems to exact a very dear price from my ego and yet, the rewards are so far reaching (they actually go on for eternity) that no amount of analysis gives my ego even a tiny glimmer of how rich and full those rewards are. My prayer for today: Thank you, God, for the gift of being open and vulnerable before you. Thank you for touching my heart with compassion and showing me how much you care for me even when I’m tightly bound in my chains of ignorance and fear. Thank you for your comfort and guidance. Amen
Originally posted on Blogger 4/27/09

It’s Monday and a Stormy Start

Haven’t been posting due to many things like a computer crash and rebirthing, Spring break and projects to do around the house. But, today is Monday following Spring break and am back hard at it. The weather patterns have changed from relatively calm spring weather to windy and stormy today through the rest of this week, basically. I’m now trying to learn about Facebook and MySpace networking sites. I’m beginning to understand them a little but still can see not much use for them. Hopefully, I will see opportunities for using the sites and then may set up an account and try to reconnect with people from way back. Don’t think it will be very successful and am not even sure I want to reconnect. Hard to tell who might ‘pop up’ out of the blue. Listened to ‘The Story’ on NPR about a young woman who reconnected to an old boy friend from high school only to find that she was no longer welcome in his life. Maybe I will find the same thing. Am in process of finishing up online courses and will finally have a ‘life’ after all this time. Won’t know what to do with myself. Later…
Originally posted on Blogger 3/23/09

Spring is in the air – so how come I feel like this?

Spring is in the air alright but I’m still feeling like the proverbial bear in hibernation. Bummer. Yesterday was a rather hectic one and last night was not much better. It looks as though I will have to go on meds to control my blood pressure and that’s a REAL bummer. Today is not quite as crazy but I’m already looking forward to the next long weekend for a little R&R. The studies continue and the review is going well. After fighting a bout of the flu for 3+ weeks, I’m beginning to feel a bit more normal with only occasional lapses of sinus problems. I’ve even returned to exercising and will continue the practice today. Before the flu thing hit, I was doing well and making real progress in keeping stress and anxiety under control but now am worse off than I was before the flu hit like a ton of bricks. But upward and onward as they say. Do hope you are enjoying the warm weather and sunshine today and through the weekend. Pres. Obama is supposed to have an explanation of the impact of his economic recovery stimulus plan this weekend but the time is right when I’m at church. I don’t know about going to someone’s house to view the plan but may still find the guts to sign up for the house meeting and just plan to come late. The explanation will be for 2 hrs and that will cover most of the questions. Until then, stay warm and well.
Originally posted on Blogger 2/5/09